001: The Little Worm and It’s Worth

Hello, my name is Vermis and I am very excited, and (very) nervous, to bring you the very first post of The Vermiculus. It has been a long time coming.

I have sat on this blog idea for quite some time, wrestling with myself, asking if I should even do this at all. Questioning wether I was even qualified to talk about self improvement, self care, fatherhood, manhood, and came to the conclusion, I’m not. The fact of the matter is I fail far more often than I succeed.

What a great place to start. I have nothing to offer anyone that reads this, no wisdom or expertise. However, if I am to be the man, husband, father, and friend people need then I must start. So here I begin, rough, unrefined and afraid.

These are the three areas of my life in which I need work.

FAITH

I grew up a pastor’s kid. Saying that usually splits people into two groups, those that didn’t have a father in ministry and those that did.

The former usually grow somewhat defensive, thinking for whatever reason that I believe I have a moral superiority over them. 

The latter understand exactly what that means. Kids put on a rung above others as an example. For if their fathers are so Godly then surely their children will be too.

While I may be grossly oversimplifying, or perhaps this was only my experience, I believe this pressure had a negative impact on me.

Being older now, I can seen clearly the habits that contributed to my slow, steady slide away from my faith. While in no way an excuse, I see the effects of that pressure even today. I became a good liar, I became good at faking faithfulness, and showing off. I was, in every sense, lukewarm and more likely, ice cold. 

My faith is something I have come to value more for myself and the family I have made. Faith is first and foremost what I need, desperately. 

FAMILY

I can’t complain about the life I had growing up. I had parents that loved me and each other. I didn’t have a very hard or traumatic childhood.

This is something I want for my wife, a loyal husband that loves her always, for my children, a loving father that is always there, and for my home, a man that protects, provides and teaches.

After my faith, I want this to be the primary reason for why I do what I do. There is no why, only when and where, I’ll figure out how.

SELF

This goes hand in hand with family, because how can I love others, teach others, protect others, if none of those qualities describe me.

As a man, I am meant to carry the burdens of others. 

I am meant to love, and love deeply. My heart needs to be in the right place. I am meant to teach, and teach truly. My mind needs to be sharp. I am meant to protect and maintain. My body needs to be strong.

Most importantly, I am meant to lead. And with a my foundation of faith and my responsibility of family, my heart, mind, body and soul will lead. 

So more than anything this is my continued story, one that is sure to have more failure, but one that may be able to end better than it started. 

This is my journey, the journey of the little worm, and I hope and pray it reaches you well and perhaps your journey may begin as well.